


Put It on Shuffle

by Bounemr



Series: Reave, Wayward Children [3]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-21 07:15:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9537527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bounemr/pseuds/Bounemr
Summary: Not all akuma victims feel better after the akuma is cleansed. Some, like Nino, have some more trouble recovering.





	

“Okay, but… what is it?” Marinette looked at the paper in Nino’s hands skeptically.

Nino pouted, trying hard to frown even though he was already chuckling. “It’s… maybe a dragon. If you squint.”

Marinette laughed. “Okay, okay. It’s a very impressive dragon. My turn.” She smirked, turning her sketchbook around to show Nino the hastily sketched action shot of Chat Noir leaping from some vague perch.

“Hmm…” He leaned close, nearly brushing his nose on the paper (his hat had been discarded earlier in the night). “You scraped out a victory this round, Madame Dupain-Cheng.”

“It was definitely a close match. You might even win next time.”

“Oh, I’ll definitely win. Because this one is my choice, so the song of the round is… drumroll please.” Marinette tapped her sketchbook with her fingers. “Yeah okay, I haven’t given it a title yet.”

“Ooh, an original?”

“Mhmm.” He scrolled through his phone to find the song, labelled appropriately of course, as all his unnamed originals were. “Let’s see. M-42. Nah, let’s do the remix.”

“Nino, you remix your own songs.”

“What else am I going to do with my life?”

Marinette rolled her eyes. Nino tapped play and picked up his pencil.

When he closed his eyes, Nino could clearly picture Ladybug and Chat Noir taking on an akuma. A music based one, and the song playing was the background, making things tense. _And… there. The akuma’s signature attack._ He opened his eyes and started drawing. _Too bad I’m not as good of an artist with a pencil as I am with sound._

Around halfway through the track, he glanced up at Marinette, who had her eyes closed and was moving her head with the music. _Ha, good. Means she’s not drawing. Also, that she likes my music. But, of course, I knew that already, didn’t I?_

He pressed pause just as the track ended, and held up his masterpiece.

Marinette burst out laughing.

“Hey! This one isn’t actually that bad!”

“I- pfft, sorry Nino. You’re right of course. At least we can recognize what it is.”

“Let’s see what you have, then.” She turned her sketchbook to show her favorite Mecha Strike III character pounding on another bot. Nino pretended once more to examine it critically. “Hmm… no, I think I won this round.”

“Chat and Ladybug always win, to be honest.”

“Dude, for real. We should just both draw them, then the game would end in a draw and we wouldn’t have to sacrifice either of us to the chemistry gods.”

“Or we’d have to sacrifice both of us.”

“Oh, dang, didn’t think of that.”

Marinette nodded sagely, putting a hand on his shoulder. “But that won’t be necessary. It’s a sacrifice that you’re willing to make.”

“Hey!”

“I’ll miss you when you’re gone.”

“I’m a better writer. You should make the sacrifice so I can write your obituary. We both win.”

“You’re right.” Marinette put her sketchbook aside and stretched. “Also, we still have our homework to do.”

Nino groaned. “Do you think the gods would accept Adrien as a sacrifice? He’s actually good at this. Might appease them more than one of us.”

“And it wouldn’t even take any convincing.”

“True. Honestly? Worries me sometimes. The dude is too pure.”

“A perfect cinnamon roll.”

“No, but seriously he has like, no sense of self-preservation! I’m almost convinced at this point that he’s just masochistic.”

Marinette rolled her eyes. “Girl, you want to talk about no self-preservation? Try having Alya as a best friend. She runs _towards_ the akuma.”

“Tell me about it. Adrien’s not much better, though. If he’s not vanishing into nowhere, he’s actively like, trying to protect people. He’s going to give me a heart attack one of these days.”

“And then he’d donate his heart to you so you could keep living.”

“I don’t think the heart attack is that extreme but also true.” Nino sighed, putting his sketch pad aside as well and bringing his chemistry work back in front of him. “And don’t even get me started on theatre. Like, if I have to hear ‘Memory’ from _Cats_ one more time.”

“Oh god, please tell me he doesn’t actually sing _Cats_.”

“He does, but that’s not even close to his Shakespeare obsession. I swear, Adrien has everything Shakespeare’s ever written memorized and he’s one hundred percent prepared to quote him at any and all opportunities.” _How do you balance equations, again? Four hydrogens…_

Marinette was laughing. “Oh, god.”

“And I’m just like, dude. Even people who actually speak English as their main language don’t get Shakespeare. How?”

“That sounds wonderful.”

“It was funny for like the first month, now I’m starting to think in Shakespearian English.”

“I’m so sorry, you poor, poor soul.” Marinette shook her head. “Alya can get carried away with metaphors sometimes though. Like sometimes she’ll make a joke and I have no clue what she’s talking about because she’s referencing a joke she made about something barely related two days before and I’m just… Like girl, come on.”

“Our lives are so hard.”

“It’s our own fault for having ridiculous best friends.”

“We love them, though.”

“True. What would we do without them?”

“Cry, probably.”

“Same.”

A knock interrupted them, so Nino took the opportunity to pick up his abandoned hat (it had fallen off when he laid back earlier and he hadn’t bothered retrieving it) and place it back on his head. “Hey, kids. Dinner time.”

“Yes, mama, we’ll be right down.” Marinette answered. Nino fiddled with the brim of his cap, adjusting it to be right. “Come on, Nino. We can finish the homework after dinner.”

He looked up to meet Marinette’s eyes. “Yeah, just give me a sec, I think I got this question. I’m going to check my work and be right down after you, cool?”

Marinette smiled playfully. “Sure. Hurry up, I’m not going to wait to eat!”

She closed the trapdoor to her room behind her, and Nino let out a loud sigh. True to his word, he checked his math, ensuring that there were indeed the same number of each atom on either side of the equation. That, however, only took about twenty seconds. Once he had put his homework aside, he stared at the door for a long while, his chest tight, breathing deeply.

_Count your breaths. In. Two. Three. Four. Out. Two. Three. Four. In…_ He followed the pattern several times, until it felt easier to take in full lungs and his hands had stopped shaking.

Once he was ready, even though he knew he had already taken too long and was beginning to get a little anxious about _that_ , he lifted the door and ventured downstairs.

“Nino! There you are!” Marinette’s father bellowed, a happy laugh filling the air. Nino felt his blood turn to ice as he froze. But the air was warm and he had to move, so he mechanically made his way to the kitchen table, taking his seat next to Marinette and removing his glasses for the fake excuse of cleaning them.

Truthfully, he needed an excuse to look at nothing but his shirt while he tried to steady his breathing again. _You usually have this under control. It’s just Marinette’s folks. Not a big deal. You know them. They’re like, basically your parents too. Got to chill. Just chill._

He let out a final slow breath and replaced his glasses, looking at the delicious meal, and then at Marinette as she spoke animatedly. When her parents responded to something she said, he looked at how Mrs. Cheng folded her hands on the table, or the way Mr. Dupain’s chest expanded and contracted as he breathed.

It seemed almost odd to him, how their bodies worked. How that small, steady rhythm, so casually interrupted by a laugh, or by talking, was keeping the large man alive. How fingers fit together like they were made to do that even though he knew from anatomy that they were made to pick up and manipulate objects, yet they weave together with themselves so cleanly.

But his body didn’t do that, right? _No, it does. I think._ Fingers interlocked in front of him, feeling the skin on the others. _I wonder what that feels like…_

He looked at his belly, timing each expansion with his inhale and each compression with his exhale.

“Isn’t that right, Nino?”

Nino jumped a little. “Huh? What?” He looked around wildly, each person was looking at him with the same humorous glint in their eyes, and he couldn’t remember who the voice belonged to. “Sorry?”

“I said isn’t that right, Nino?” Marinette nudged him. “We’ll get our chemistry homework done in no time flat after dinner.”

“Oh.” He let out a held breath. “Yeah, totally. We’re already like, halfway done.”

Mr. Dupain leaned closer to his wife. “I told you they’d never get any work done on their own.”

“Hey! We work!” Marinette protested.

“Between breaks.” Nino said, smirking.

“Nino!”

“Well let’s face it. Adrien is like, one hundred percent of the responsibility in our group.”

“I- okay yeah. That’s fair.”

Everyone laughed. Nino knew that her parents weren’t really upset with them. They _would_ get their homework done, so it wasn’t a big deal if it took ten minutes or was spread out over the whole night. Her parents were cool like that. That’s why he loved visiting.

“Speaking of Adrien…” Mrs. Cheng said with a pointed, teasing look at Marinette.

“Mama, no.”

“How is that going for you, sweetie?”

Marinette sent him an apologetic look, though Nino wasn’t entirely sure whether it was just for her parents asking in the first place or because of the time that he had a crush on her. Just to be safe, he decided to tease her as well. “Yeah, Mari. How’s that going?”

The look that crossed her face was utter betrayal. “Nope.”

“That bad?”

“We don’t speak of this.”

“Come on, Mari. I could help.”

“Don’t you dare.” Marinette sent him a withering look. “Alya already ‘helps’ enough.”

Nino laughed. “I know. I’m part of her schemes more often than not.”

Conversation from there was light and natural. Nino enjoyed a wonderful meal, returned with Marinette to her room to finish the chemistry homework, and proceeded to finish that homework over an hour later, with most of that time having been spent listening to edited versions of popular songs on the internet.

But soon enough, the time for Nino to leave arrived. He gave Marinette a hug, waved goodbye to her parents, and exited the bakery, turning to head towards his apartment.

The walk home was quiet. Nice. Nino put his headphones on and played some calming music quietly. He breathed in time with his steps, in time with the beat of the music, slower than his heartrate. _In, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four._

He focused on the feeling of his feet hitting the sidewalk. The vibration up his leg, the way his abdominal muscles moved. He heard the birds roosting in a tree off to his right, the car engines to his right. A honk. He thought about how real everything was. He felt the sidewalk from his toes to his core. He hoped the birds were having a nice day. He wondered if the drivers of those cars were late, or if they were going to visit a friend, or going to the store to buy fresh pineapples or maybe a frozen pizza. He let himself be in awe for a moment about all the interlocked lives of people who never talk to each other but interact daily, or once and never again.

He smiled. He nodded. He breathed. “Okay. I’m good. We’re good.”

He looked up. He was at his apartment building. “I’m good.”

As he made his way up the stairs to his apartment and paused at the door. He checked his phone, to turn off his music and to check the time. _Oh man._

He sighed, observing that he was fifteen minutes late, and unlocked the door, removing his headphones as he passed the threshold. “Dad? I’m home.”

His father poked his head into the main room. Nino trained his eyes on the floor. “Nino. You’re late.”

“I know.”

His father leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms. After a long silence, he said, “well?”

“I don’t have an excuse, dad. I was hanging out with Marinette. Didn’t look at the time. I’ll be more careful.”

“Yes,” he agreed, “you will.” There was another long pause. “Did you have fun?”

“Yes, sir. Got my homework done, too.”

“Good.” Another pause. “Remember to text me when you leave next time.”

“Of course.”

His father sighed. “Go ahead to your room.”

Nino practically sprinted past his dad and closed the door to get some privacy.

Once safe, he dumped his bag next to his desk and collapsed on his bed. _That was better than it could have been. Better than it probably should have been given my state before dinner. The walk helped._

_I wish there was something I could do about it. At least it’s manageable, mostly. I’m better off than some. I think Dad is starting to worry, though. Adrien definitely is. Not sure about Marinette. I don’t usually tell her when I go to the hospital._

Nino sighed audibly. _I know I should see Mom again. She probably misses me. I just… I don’t know if that’s a good idea._

_If I could get this under control. Just find some more reliable way of managing it. But the only thing I can think of is telling someone. Talking about it. But who am I going to talk to? Mom? That’s likely. Dad? Even less. And if I told Adrien that I have lasting psychological trauma from being the Bubbler he would probably start blaming himself and I’m not doing that to him._

_Mari, I guess. Maybe Alya. I’m not sure I can talk about it though. It’s not like either of them will really understand “adults give me panic attacks”. Mari has probably the best relationship with her folks I’ve ever seen, and Alya is too… empirical. She wouldn’t get it, and then she’d go investigative mode and try to dig out better explanations as to_ why _and then I’d probably freak out on her and that would be not fun all around._

_But dude, it’s been months. You can’t just sit around anymore. You don’t know when Mom’s going. If you don’t visit her before she dies you’ll never forgive yourself. It’s easy to forget since she’s held on so long, but I can’t ignore her._

_I wonder what dad’s been telling her. His excuses for why I never visit. Wonder if she buys them._

_I wonder if she saw the Bubbler on T.V. Probably by now. Dad might have shown her. It might even be his excuse for why I don’t go. Wouldn’t be totally off, if it was. I kind of hope she was asleep and just missed the entire thing, though._

_Kind of like me, I guess. Not that it helped._

He looked at his phone, scrolling through his conversations. _For Mom?_

_It’s weird. The longer this goes on, the less compelling that is._ He opened the conversation with Marinette, stared for a moment at the most recent messages, and locked his phone, putting it away. _Tomorrow. Yeah. Tomorrow for sure. It’s weird to text her when I just spent literally all day at her house. She might think I have a crush on her again or something. Don’t want to cause a misunderstanding is all. So, I’ll text her tomorrow._

* * *

 

“Hey bro.” Nino grinned as he greeted his best friend at the entrance to the school.

“Hey. How are you doing today?” Adrien stretched a little, yawning.

“You know. Usual. You?”

They walked up the stairs and into the courtyard together. “Good, actually! I got to hang out with Juleka a bit yesterday, so that was fun. Speaking of, how was your study date with Marinette?”

Nino rolled his eyes. “Just because she’s a girl…”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that our hangouts aren’t dates.” Nino gave Adrien a flat look, but couldn’t fight off the smile at his friend’s grin and waggling eyebrows. “But seriously, dude. I don’t tease you because she’s a girl. I tease you because she’s a girl that you had a crush on.”

“She teases me enough, dude.”

Adrien blinked, his smile dropping. “Really? That seems kind of…”

“It’s chill, dude. We’ve been buds for years. I’d tease her too if it was the other way around. And I told you, I’m over it. Mari and I sorted everything out.”

“Oh, good.”

“You really think Mari would be that mean-spirited?”

Adrien shrugged. “Not on purpose? Doesn’t mean it’s impossible.”

Nino punched Adrien’s shoulder lightly. “Don’t worry about it, dude. She obviously wouldn’t tease me if it actually bothered me.”

“Alright. I believe you. Mostly because I do think Marinette is too nice to do that to you and also because Alya might fight me to defend Mari’s honor or something if I don’t concede now.”

Alya came sliding up behind Adrien, then, grinning. “What was that?”

“Speak of the devil.”                

“Do I need to defend someone’s honor?”

“No, we’re all in agreement.”

“Agreement in what?”

Nino snickered as he saw Marinette approach just in time. “Agreement that Marinette is an actual angel and is perfect in every conceivable way.” Adrien said.

The squeal that Marinette made sent Nino and Alya into fits of giggles while Adrien looked confused and embarrassed. “I- I mean,” he said. “Not that you _aren’t_ great, because you are, that was… oh man forget it.” Marinette had already taken off like a rocket in the general direction of the classroom, leaving Adrien flushed and covering his face with his hands. “You know what?” He said to Alya and Nino. “I’m just going to stand by what I said. It was a joke, but you know what it’s true now. I am officially declaring that my one hundred percent unadulterated opinion. Because even trying to get out of this is only going to end badly for me, isn’t it?”

“You know it, Sunshine.” Alya said.

Adrien shook his head, smiling though his cheeks were still pink. “Let’s just get to class before I embarrass myself even more.”

“Nah,” Nino said. “You’re good, dude. We all think Marinette is pretty perfect.”

“And yet…”

“We’re still going to tease you relentlessly yeah that is true.”

Alya threw an arm over Adrien’s shoulder, saying, “That’s how you know we love you.”

“Oh, yeah. Feeling so much love here.”

“I’ll give you a kiss if you need me to.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Oh that sounds like a dare.”

“More like calling a bluff.”

“Close enough. Come here, pretty boy.” Alya took Adrien’s face in her hands and brought him close. Nino rolled his eyes. Adrien’s own eyes widened when Alya leaned closer, but she just shifted his head sideways and gave him a kiss on the cheek. She let him go so he could stand up straight again, and with a smirk and a wink, she said “what? Did you really think I’d kiss you on the lips without permission?”

Adrien rubbed his cheek. “I thought you might have taken the dare as permission.”

“Nah, Sunshine. That has to be explicit.”

“Well, I feel loved anyway.”

“Good.”

“Your turn.”

“What?” Adrien jumped on Alya, giving her a bone crushing hug and picking her up off the ground. She squealed a little in surprise. “Adrien!”

Adrien turned from side to side to make Alya sway. “If love were quantifiable, mine for you would be greater than the number of days on every calendar in France. For ten years.”

“Put me down, you dork, you’re going to make me cry.”

Nino coughed to get his friends’ attention. He gave them a wry smile and tapped his wrist. “We should get to class, guys.” Adrien set Alya down, and they locked eyes. When they looked back at Nino with matching mischievous grins, he knew immediately what they were planning. “No.”

“Yes,” Adrien said.

In a moment, they both were on him. “Don’t think we forgot about you, Lahiffe.” Alya said, crushing his ribs with her hug. Adrien had his other side, his arms around Nino’s shoulders (somewhat gentler).

In spite of himself, Nino couldn’t keep himself from laughing. _They’re absurd. And I love them so much._ But, as he was helpless in the tight grips of his friends, he had to wait until they released him to remind them that they actually were starting to cut it close to get to class on time.

“Alright, alright, fine. We need to get Mari in on this anyway.”

The three made their way to class. Nino and Alya shared another laugh when Marinette went red and buried her head into her desk when she saw Adrien, but otherwise, they calmed down and prepared themselves for the long day of school ahead.

Though if he were honest, it wasn’t all that long. Nino was used to it, though. It wasn’t usually so bad, but then, he had been having a hard couple of days, so it didn’t take him by surprise. Once the teacher began talking, he felt the all-too-familiar tension in his torso and started his breathing exercises again. Because it was difficult to pay attention to the lecture and not get even more freaked out, he was forced to tune out the teacher’s voice – something that was easier done when he could focus entirely on counting his breaths.

After a while, he didn’t really remember what happened. Adrien put a hand on his back, he looked up from the desk, and the teacher was done talking. They just had a worksheet to do.

Adrien gave him a concerned look, but Nino just shook his head. He focused on his work. After a few minutes of staring at it, though, Adrien pushed over a notebook showing example problems of what they were doing.

Nino sighed in relief. “Thanks, bro.” He whispered.

With the notes, it was pretty easy to figure out their work, and he managed to get through it relatively quickly.

And then they were off to the next class. Rinse, repeat. Adrien chose not to say anything about Nino spacing out during the classes, but it was obvious that it worried him. Nino didn’t mention it because he didn’t want to talk about it.

And then school was over, and they were free to waste the rest of their days doing whatever they wanted. Adrien and Alya both had things to do, so they went to their respective homes. Marinette said her day was free, but as everyone else was busy, she said she’d just go home and work on a new project.

Not a big deal.

Something that she wouldn’t hesitate to drop if he wanted to talk.

He watched her back as she passed through the large doors at the entrance to the school. _Coward._

He bit his lip and ducked his head, pulling his headphones into position as he set himself on his own walk home.

* * *

 

The apartment was empty when he got back. It always was, after school. His dad was still working – he worked until late most days. Sometimes, he wouldn’t even be home before Nino went to sleep. _At least it’s quiet._

Nino took off his headphones, realizing only then that he never actually put music on, and went into his room. _Strange. Did I even like the quiet before? I can’t remember._

_Mom never liked the quiet. She’d always have music playing. She must be going crazy in that hospital room. Sure, she has a T.V. but it’s not nearly the same. I wish I could go give her something to listen to, if only for a bit._

He picked up his phone and stared at the blank screen. _Just text Marinette. Talk to her. Just maybe you can get the courage to go. And maybe not freak out._

_I’m not even sure why I’m so scared to. It’s not like I freak out every time. And I mean as far as threatening adults go my mom is like, not._

_It’s hard to be afraid of someone on bedrest in a hospital, honestly._

He opened the conversation with Marinette and typed out a message. And then deleted it. And typed another one. And deleted it. _Coward. Just send it._ He typed another, but he couldn’t press the send button.

So, he deleted the message and typed a new one.

NL – hey mar will you come with me to visit mom  
MD – Of course! When did you want to go?  
NL – when are you available  
MD – Anytime.  
NL – now?  
MD – I’ll be right over. c:  
NL – thanks mari

When Marinette showed up at his door ten minutes later, he smiled, thanked her again, and they set off together to the hospital.

On the way, Marinette eyed him strangely. He knew, of course, that she was wondering why he asked her to come along. He went alone, before, or with Adrien once or twice. Marinette had come before, but that was only after his visit somehow spiraled into all four of them – Adrien, Alya, Marinette, and himself – going. His mom was thrilled when they all showed up at her room. But that was rare. His visits were usually more personal. Private time with his mom or if his dad came then with his family.

But he didn’t say anything, and she didn’t ask.

They got to the hospital. He was used to the procedure. Soon enough, they were being guided to his mom’s room. When they peeked inside, they found that she was asleep.

That was strangely relieving to him. Still, when he looked at his mother’s face, serene, framed by beautiful dark hair, he found it harder to breathe. But he also felt a little like he was hyperventilating.

“Nino?” Marinette’s hand on his back and her soft voice drew his attention to her. “Nino, it’s okay. Breathe.”

_Oh. I_ am _hyperventilating._ He stared into Marinette’s eyes, keeping his focus trained on her rather than his mother as he counted his breaths. _Okay. Okay, I got this._ When he felt a little better, he risked another glance. _I can’t do this._ “Sorry,” he said. “Sorry.  I can’t. I have to go.”

“Nino? Nino!”

He had already backed out of the room and started down the path out of the hospital.

“Nino, what’s wrong?”

His jaw clamped shut. He wasn’t sure he could tell her at that moment if he tried. As he navigated the hallways, he would turn a corner and nearly run into a nurse or some other faculty and they’d send his heart into another frenzy and he couldn’t focus. _Oh god. Where’s the exit?_

One of the people who worked there stopped to ask him if he was okay, but he jumped away from them, only stopped from fleeing by Marinette’s grip on his wrist.

His chest hurt. He hugged himself, making Marinette readjust her grip as she spoke to the woman. Nino just kept trying to regain his bearings. He’d been to the hospital hundreds of times. More, even. _But why doesn’t anything seem familiar. I think… that way? Or…_

“Nino. Come on.” Marinette’s gentle voice and the pulling on his shoulder guided him until he was sat down in a chair – he had no idea where he was. It was a room, _but what room? Mom’s? Damn it._ He looked around desperately, but the room was unremarkable. He didn’t think he’d ever been there before. “Nino, it’s okay.”

Marinette kept talking to him, rubbing his back, fretting over him. _I’ve made it worse. I’ve made it worse and now there’s no avoiding it._

“You’re okay, Nino. It’s okay.”

_I can’t control it. I’ll never be able to visit mom and she’ll die without having seen me since October and she’ll think I forgot about her, or that I hate her, and she’ll hate me for it._

“Nino, shh. It’s okay.”

_It’s not okay. I can’t breathe._

“Breathe.”

He couldn’t. He tried, but he couldn’t.

“You’re okay. You’re safe. Breathe with me.”

And she started counting. _One. Two. Three. Four._ She went on. All the way up to ten, but if he closed his eyes he could hear the beat. It took him a long time, several minutes at least, but he managed to sync his breathing to the beat.

After a little while, he could breathe. A little more and the pain was, he thought, mostly residual.

A little more, and he opened his eyes again. Marinette’s blue ones met his, concern shining in them. “S-sorry.” He choked out.

“Don’t be. You’re fine.”

He reached up to rub his eyes, hating that his cheeks were wet with tears. “Sorry.”

“Shh.” Marinette pulled him slowly into a hug, and held him until he backed away.

“Sorry.” He repeated. “You weren’t supposed to see…”

“Nino, has this happened before?”

He couldn’t meet her eyes. “I can usually handle it.”

“It’s okay. But why did…”

Nino knew what her question was, even though she didn’t finish. He didn’t answer for a long time, though. Instead, he pulled his knees to his chest and focused on breathing for several long minutes more. “It’s the Bubbler,” he said finally. “Well, it’s _me_ , but it’s the Bubbler. When Adrien’s dad wouldn’t let him have a birthday party I was just… so angry. Because I’d had that _exact_ conversation with my dad but I didn’t have one because I _can’t_. Because Mom’s here and Dad’s working overtime as it is and… But Adrien’s dad could and just didn’t want to and that pissed me off.” Marinette patiently listened without interrupting, even when Nino couldn’t find the words to continue.

“And then I was the Bubbler, and my first thought when I saw what I’d done on the news was ‘I hope Mom didn’t see that’. It didn’t start, like, right away, but after that I couldn’t even look adults in the eyes half the time. More often than not, I’m terrified of them. I don’t even know what I’m afraid of, that they’ll yell at me for trying to _kill_ them all, or that they’ll tell me I wasn’t trying hard enough or that I was being selfish or maybe I’m just afraid that I’m too much of an inconvenience or something and getting in their way or… God, I don’t know. But sometimes when Mrs. Mendeleiev lectures I have a hard time breathing and I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack and I’m like, one-hundred percent certain that she’s just going to chew me out and I’m sure I did something to deserve it but I don’t know exactly what it is but…” He shook his head. “I don’t know. I don’t know anything. I’m just terrified.”

“That’s okay. It’s normal, after something like an akumatization.”

“No, it’s not. Everyone else has been akumatized except you and Adrien and they’re all fine.”

“That doesn’t matter. It’s not what I meant. Don’t compare yourself to them. Whether they’re fine or not, that doesn’t mean akumatization can’t be traumatic or painful for you.”

“But what if it is? I can’t afford to be like this. I need to be able to handle everything. I need to be able to take care of myself. Otherwise, my mom and dad…”

“I know your situation is tough, Nino, but you don’t need to be able to handle anything by yourself. I know you want to help your dad, but you’re not helping him by trying to take on more than you can handle.”

“I _know_. But I’m still scared. And if I can’t get a hold of this… I can’t visit mom. I don’t know when she’s going to- when she’s going to die. What if I can’t handle myself and she dies without having seen me for months?”

Marinette was quiet for a while. “You said this has been happening since you were akumatized? Four months?” Nino nodded. “You seemed fine with my parents.”

“Sometimes. It’s easier sometimes. Even with them I was always just trying to calm down.”

Another long pause. “Do you need help with this?”

He gritted his teeth, closing his eyes. “Do I need it? Probably. I don’t want to bother anyone with it, though.”

“Nino, it’s not a bother to anyone. Does your dad know?”

“No. He has enough to worry about.”

Marinette sighed. “You should tell your dad.”

“I know, but-”

“Do you think it might help to talk to a professional? I’m worried that if it’s been going on so long it might be a disorder.”

“I don’t know.”

“Would you be willing to at least go?” Nino bit his lip. “Nino, I know. But this is obviously affecting your day-to-day life. All of us, Adrien, Alya, and I noticed. It’s only a suggestion, but if there’s medication that could help-”

“I’m not crazy. I don’t need- I just…”

“I know you’re not. No one said you are. I’m only saying it might help. Taking medication doesn’t make you crazy.”

Nino counted his breaths for a few minutes. “Can we go home?”

“Sure.”

They walked together out of the hospital, back to his apartment. His dad still wasn’t back from work, and Marinette seemed reluctant to leave him alone. “I’ll be fine, dude. I’m home alone all the time. Go ahead back home. I’m sure your parents have something delicious cooking up right now.”

“You could come visit again.”

He shook his head. “Thanks, but I kind of just want to lay down.”

“Okay.” She gave him a tight hug before stepping back. “And Nino… I know your situation is tough. There’s no fix, no way to just make it better. We’re obviously here in whatever way you need us, but…”

“I know. Thanks Mari.”

She hesitated, but she did turn and leave after that. He closed the door behind her.

The apartment was quiet. He breathed. He went into his room to lay down and sort out his thoughts.

When his dad got back from work, Nino knew Marinette was right.

When his dad knocked on the door to his room, opening it a few seconds later, he was already sitting up. “Hey, Nino.”

“Hey, Dad.”

“How was your day?”

“I…” He felt his chest tighten, so he closed his eyes and counted and let the words come out of his mouth without really paying attention to them. “I visited mom. Sort of. More like I tried and then freaked out and I think I probably need to go to the doctor because I’m kind of scared of pretty much everything all the time and sometimes I can’t breathe and I’m pretty sure I had some kind of panic attack and that’s not even like a new thing so I think it’s probably officially a problem now and maybe seeing a professional would help? Maybe?”

“Um. You had a panic attack?”

“Marinette helped. But it’s probably not a good sign that those are happening in public now.”

“You’ve _been_ having panic attacks?” Nino didn’t answer. His dad sighed. “You should have told me.” Nino wrapped his arms around his knees and counted his breaths. _He’s mad. He’s mad. He’s mad._ “I’ll call in sick tomorrow. We can take you to get checked if that’s what you want.”

Nino looked up out from under the brim of his cap. “Yes, please. Can Marinette come?”

“If that’ll make you more comfortable.” His dad ventured closer to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

Nino flinched, forced himself to breathe, bit his lip and hugged himself when he saw the hurt look on his dad’s face.

“I know I haven’t been doing a very good job of this.”

Nino wanted to protest, but he was still struggling over his breathing, and couldn’t physically say anything.

“But I just want the best for you. I love you, son. Just… let me know what I can do to help, okay?”

Nino nodded. His dad left, closing the door softly behind him.

He breathed.


End file.
